am talking to chit, and i remembered something about lit class last year.

i still haven't gotten over the machine stops discussion, where i realised that i didn't know what progress means, and thus i didn't know what humans have been put on this earth to achieve, and if i don't know that how'm i supposed to know what i'm meant to achieve in my life?

it's a terribly confusing and depressing discussion, and one of those things that i try not to think about because it really leads nowhere. it comes back to "what are we here for?" and there are no answers whatsoever, for such a question.
but then, maybe that's why man made religion. because there are certain unanswerable questions, and believing in god gives you a purpose. which is why i believe that man made god, and my belief in god is a really warped and complicated one. i don't entirely believe that this omniscient, omnipotent being exists up there, looking at all of us and judging all of us. but i belief in god, all the same, maybe as an primaeval spiritual force, because i want to believe in god. so i think it all comes back to, god and religion is in man's hands. but like chit says, maybe we attribute it all to a supposed higher bring because "we don't have enough faith in humanity to leave the world in humanity's hands". and i guess as for the part about judgement, truly the only person who judges you is yourself. so, maybe the answer is that you are god, everyone is god, and the point is that because we want to believe in god as one thing, it's essentially a force. and this is a very weird discussion, but i think it's validated by hindu beliefs, that there is god in everyone. and there are very confusing verses in the gita that say that humans are part of god and yet apart from god. maybe i'm getting sort of closer to understanding god. and all scripture was written by man, wasn't it? is there any evidence to prove that god wrote the bible, or the bhagavad gita or whatever? i think that although i believe in god, i have a hard time believing in miracles or avatars or prophets or whatever.

i've been realising that i'm highly cynical about anything that claims omniscience or omnipotence. like the supernatural - about ouijia board experiences, i don't believe that anybody's lying to me about it, but i still don't essentially believe that spirits hang around and can see things that we can't. i'm often skeptical of science itself; it really can't claim to have all the answers. maybe it has answers to the inconsequential things, but it can't explain the abstract. and the most important things in the world are abstract.

i think religion and believing in god and spirituality, simplifies things, but i enjoy having a brain and the ability to question. which is why i'm most contemptuous of the kind of religion that doesn't question. blind faith feels weak. faith is strong when you've thought it through, and found fault with it, and still can't let go of it. i'm not sure if that means that i think that my particular version of faith is very strong, but i rather like it.

and i'm not an ardent supporter of organised religion either, because i think that when it's organised and you have these so-called rules, it firstly defines and constrains something that should be highly personal and individual, and secondly it gives cause and opportunity for people to misuse religion and abuse it, blaming their extremely unreligious acts of murder or violence on the command of their god. it also creates the superiority complexes that are tearing the world apart today. preaching love and then hating others who do not understand or accept your god. i don't claim to know a lot about christianity or any other religion, i barely know enough about mine for that matter. but i think religion should be a way of life, and hinduism is. the conventions of hinduism are basically habits that are good and healthy to develop. and it doesn't believe in conversion, and the faith allows for individualism. it believes that there is only one god, but he/she can take any form that suits you for relating to and worship. i don't believe that it's better than any other, but it just annoys me when people can believe that nobody but the followers of their own religion can attain salvation, or enlightenment, or whatever it may be called. and what angers me most is that pity for the 'ignorant pagans'. and believing that other forms of religious worship is sinful, that idol-worship is evil and significant of simple-mindedness. religion is essentially for the simple-minded isn't it? it's meant to give comfort to those who have nothing.

ok so that was a really random, general rant. i don't know what i was getting at, but just some issues that i got to thinking about and decided to write down. and i really liked holy cow and the life of pi. because both had that spirit of understanding and accepting so many religions, and at the end of the day it doesn't matter which religion you accept as your own because everything espouses values that are important and it's up to you to adapt it however you want, to find god or comfort or enlightenment or salvation if you believe in it, in your own way.