yup ok i know it's been a long long traumatically long time since i've updated, and i know some of you must've been FRANTIC with worry, so here i am to calm your nerves.

it's been three weeks, one new (well, the first ever, really) job, discovering the Terrible Routine that is Working Life, two maid-changes, 4 episodes of Sex and the City left to go, the return of all the other shows exept Alias from hiatus, 3 seasons of Friends sitting on my desk waiting to be seen, about 10 other DVD movies waiting to be seen, one Aparna who is brimming over with ennui. unlike nasty, unfortunately, i cannot say that i am gainfully unemployed OR employed.

having a job when you don't have a career is one of the most pointless things ever. yeah, so there's the money (i haven't been paid yet and i don't know when or how i will be paid, so actually there isn't the money yet). and even if there's the money, i'm pretty good at the spending thing, so once i'm done with my neverending shopping list, the Money will be Hugely Diminished. and yes, it's disgusting how much i shop or how much i think about shopping because my life itself has been Diminished to Terrible Routine.

getting a job was definitely on my List Of Things To Do, but i guess i never realised that when you have a regular 9-5 (actually, 830 to 530 in my case) job, just how little time and energy is left for the remaining items on the List. and just how little purpose there is in my life right now. i never thought i would miss school and the Terrible Routine of School Life, but i really do. there's a regular sort of purposefulness when there are exams every three months, however much or little you actually study for said exams. and there were the applications, the last one of which i am still procrastinating although deadline's about 4 days away. doing all the applications is a sort of hell, but again, there is Purpose In Life.

right now, all i do is work, eat, shop, sleep. and that's basically all i want to do, omitting the first item on that list. well, no, to be honest, i want to learn to drive, learn French, yoga, go back to dance, i actually want to volunteer at Unifem or something (although Unifem's become a little too trendy right now, it seems.) i want to travel, but then for everything there're the mighty obstacles of Parents and Time and this little mortal, sleep-needing body of mine.

ok yeah i'm ranting and i want to go and take a long walk and get some Fresh Air on my own, but my mom's in a Mood because the latest maid is of the eggshell-IQ variety, i know that's a beyond-mean thing to say but i've seen my fair share of maids and i've gotten pretty good at judging them. the one thing i can't stand is that she's not very clean. she doesn't wash the glasses properly and when she cleans the bathroom it's not really very spotless. i could deal with less-than-excellent food, but i can't deal with someone who can't clean spotlessly. and it occurred to me that she's just very very passive. and plus she wears these anklets that have bells so there's this tinkling noise whenever she walks, and it's hypnotic and really very disturbing. i've had anklet-wearing maids before but it's been a while, and i never realised that it could be so distracting.

anyway basically i'm angsting quite perfectly and i can't quite stand my life right now so maybe it's not the best time to recap the last three weeks. probably because there just hasn't been much to say. there have been a few outstanding moments, but basically those are the dinner-with-friends moments that USED to be my routine before i got a job.

and i don't know if i'm going to get dooced for talking about the job, but really, now i know what a dead-end job is.

so, um, "oy with the angst already" right? i'm going for a walk now, tata!