Chemistry Jokes.

1. What did one atom tell another?
- I think I lost an electron
- Are you sure?
- Yes, I'm positive.

2. A small piece of sodium which lived in a testube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the sodium. The bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".

3. Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop says: " Do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg replies: "No, but I know where I am".

4. A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender: "How much for a beer?" The bartender looks at him and says: "For you, it's no charge".

5. Why did the white bear dissolve in water?
- Because it was polar.

6. What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
- A one molar solution.

7. What do dipoles say in passing?
- Have you got a moment?

8. Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
- Because it's in the ground state.

9. What do you do with a dead chemist?
- Barium

10. What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
- A KNiFe.

11. Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
- They're cheaper than day rates.

12. What happens when electrons lose their energy?
- They get Bohr'd.

13. What did one titration tell the other?
- Let's meet at the endpoint.

14. Why are chemists great for solving problems?
- They have all the solutions.

15. Do you know what happened to the chemist who was reading a book about Helium?
- He just couldn't put it down.

16. A florence flask was getting dressed for the opera. All of a sudden she screamed: "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!". The husband replied: "Take it easy honey, do not overreact. We'll find a solution".

17. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?
- Because it's basic stuff.

18. What is a cation afraid of?
- A dogion.

19. What did the match tell the flame?
- Baby, you make me lose my head.

20. What did the cowboy tell his horse?
- HIO Ag!!!!

21. How many moles are in a guacamole?
- Avocado's number.

22. Why did the ice cube get divorced?
- His wife said he was too ! cold.

23. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen?
- They bonded well from the minute they met.

24. What kind of ghosts haunt chemistry faculties?
- Methylated spirits.

25. If H20 is water what is H204?
- Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming. . .

26. A psychotic chemist came home from work and had a big fight with his wife. In the heat of the moment, he grabbed a bottle of some lethal chemical substance and forced her to drink it while he screamed: " Die Ethyl, die". The wife dropped dead on the floor and the neighbors who were watching the scene, decided to call the police. The policemen arrived and arrested the chemist. One of them asked: Was there any reason for you to kill your wife? The chemist replied: " There was no chemistry between us. We never bonded well although we tried. In the compound where we lived, our temperaments collided. She always responded negatively to my comments. Our relationship was unstable. There was no possible solution. She had an attitude and I was explosive. Finally, I overreacted. But now I'm glad it's over. I'm in equilibrium again.I will feel free even behind the irons."

27. A group of organic molecules were having a party, when a group of robbers broke into the room and stole all of the guests joules. A tall, strong man, armed with a machine gun came into the room and killed the robbers one by one.The guests were very grateful to this man, and they wanted to know who he was. He replied: My name is BOND, Covalent Bond.

28. According to a chemist, why is the world so diverse?
- Because it's made up of alkynes of people.