omg what a horrible day.

my brother's spending the night at his friend's place so i've hooked up his monitor to my computer (my monitor died a week ago, is at the service centre and will only be back midway through the coming week. also, cruelly, my dad sent it to the service centre precisely a month after the warranty got over so we have to pay a couple of hundred more than we would have, had he listened to me way back in may when i told him that the monitor was going wonky.)

anyway, past few days i've been using my brother's computer a little bit and he's been getting so irritated with me, and i've been getting irritated because his computer, despite being almost exactly the same model as mine, isn't MY computer. and i love my computer. although right now it's being such a pain in the ass and refusing to sign into msn right when i need someone to explain continuous random variables to me. if someone can leave a tag explaining part i) of question 1 in the CRV assignment (S4), i'd be ever so grateful.

ok the day hasn't really been that horrible besides a useless morning spent in an entirely random part of singapore (actually not that random, it's near geylang and all the "hotels") at the Moral Home (what a HORRIBLE name) where we'll be mural-painting next week. i've never really encountered intellectually disabled kids, and i feel terrible saying this, but i'm thankful i'm not and i hope i never will *touches wood fervently.* because they're really creepy. when we got there they all crowded around us and stared and followed us everywhere and really invaded personal space. and they were all boys! men. it's hard to tell. they're supposed to range from really small to 30ish. but i'm glad we're helping them because they look like they need help. i mean that really unflippantly, i mean that they look quite understaffed and the place looks quite sad and lonely. and it's so queer that when chit and i went next door to macpherson primary school to ask the guard for directions somewhere, we were so relieved to see normal kids. i feel so underexposed to difficulty it's really disturbing.

anyway after that we spent a long time buying paint and stuff. and then finally went to paragon to study. got there at like 315 and studied some, and left at 630. ooh i bought hero (WITH subtitles, i was so anal i made the guy show me on the tv that it DID have subtitles), and million dollar baby. both on vcd, for a grand total of only $23 - i was so pleased with my purchases.

then home, and dinner and stuff. then a half hour ago i screamed at the parents a little bit about not wanting me to go to the university fair tomorrow because i've spent enough time at university fairs and talks and things and what am i going to learn that's really going to make a difference and shouldn't i study instead, or start thinking about the actual college apps? unfortunately, i absolutely see their point but i'm going with nasty and i hate bailing on other people, whether or not it really matters to them, simply because when people bail on me it totally bugs me. (nasty you don't have to feel guilty - in case you're thinking about feeling guilty - because it's totally my own Freak temperament.)

anyway, because i saw their point but didn't feel inclined to agree, i got all indignant and dramatic and yelled for a while and then banged the door and stalked off to my room. and here i am. god maybe i really am confrontative. but let us not make the parents seem like poor little people who cower and hide when their daughters gives a dramatic demonstration of Irrational Anger, because i got my fine sense of volume and confrontational-ness from somewhere, didn't i? sometimes they really really irritate me with their questions and assertions and stuff. but maybe i'm irritated in general, and i'm feeling guilty for the lack of studying, and also stressed about prelims/college apps./everything because there're essays and testimonials and grades and interviews and exams and ohmygod how'm i ever going to do ANYTHING.

besides that, the week's been the usual. marmalade pantry again, yum. guthrie with chit, i've spent more time with her this week than i have in the last two months or something, wow. the island yesterday, which was powerful but a little lacking in feeling and by the end you're just like "oh, ok." i think it moves a bit too fast at the end. and it was really a very noisy movie. but it was still good. definitely powerful. the images especially. kinda... unoriginal though. brave new world, 1984, gattaca, the giver, that short story called The Lottery, all that dystopian stuff.

up-and-down week. not spectacular enough for details (maybe because i shopped supremely nothing this week.) but it was a good week while it lasted. and now it's 7 weeks to prelims, hallelujah! (fuck exams.)