yay, napfa's finally over. last ever in my whole life! and hopefully i can stop going for pe next week, though vivien says that i'll still have to go because i ponned pe so much. ugh. but i realised that if i end up someplace like chicago or columbia there'll still be phys ed. but you can choose what you wanna do so i can just use it as treadmill time, or finally learn yoga or pilates or something. there are even dance courses. infinitely nicer than weird things like floorball.

i came to two conclusions today.
1. when you start finding flaws in a person, it's all too easy for it to spiral into contempt. and to forget the redeeming qualities.
2. a relationship works only if the two people have either different personalities or common interests, preferably both. ok maybe vastly different personalities need to be reconciled by mutual interests, or sometimes vastly different personalities can't be reconciled at all, but as far as i can tell, two people with the same personality rarely click.

oh and about marriage, since it's such a hot topic lately, dooce just wrote a thing to her husband that "I want to share here that I never thought I would find that person for whom I would work this hard or who would do the same for me in return." i think, if i thought i wanted to marry someone, that would be the litmus test to prove he really was The One. though, cynically, i don't know if i ever really will find The One, or even if it'll really work or last or anything. But I think it's a pretty good sign if you think that this is a relationship you'll work damn hard to preserve. I've always believed that relationships need work, they don't just happen or sustain themselves.

maybe the same's true for clym and eustacia -- along with having unrealistic ideals, being rather naive and spending their love too fast, they never expected to have to work hard to make it last. to consciously, actively keep the other person happy. it was just sort of... dutiful. at the end, they'd both just sort of given up. and in a sense i think it is clym's fault he didn't try to get in touch with her sooner, because it's just laziness if he really cared. i mean, if i ever came to a divorce-ish situation nasty's possibly right that i'd have enough pride to walk away, but only if the relationship were beyond repair. i wouldn't let it go easily if i thought it was worth salvaging. and like kelly says, the fact that i'm dependant on people means that i'll hang on to them. somehow. i think/hope.

in other news, my life has become utterly stagnant. i cannot wait for the A levels to be over. not that i've really started studying yet -- i've yet to catch up on math tutorials, for instance. but... you know, it's a really sad state to be in when you're always either studying or feeling guilty/panicked about not studying. that is what my life has been reduced to.

still, there are the occasional nice things to look forward to. the people, the food etc. ugh tomorrow is tricky due to UCAS talk. and thursday i have to go to immigration i think, to do something to my passport that my mom's been bugging me about since last week, but i haven't had any time. so thursday i have to rush home and we have to go for that. i wanted to watch Crash on thursday. -annoyed-

anyway, time to go finish watching Hero. i've set myself a goal to make full use of the RJ movie library before the end of the year, because they have a pretty decent collection.

EDIT: over dinner my brother regaled us with imiations of russell peters. DAMN funny! like, how america will one day be beige instead of white because everyone will mix.
like, italians + jamaicans = pastafarians
but french and greeks shouldn't mix because they'll produce Freaks,
and japanese and filipinos will produce Jalapenos.

there was other stuff too, which i can't remember. i have such a terrible memory.

and the "somebody gonna get hurt real bad." is HILARIOUS. my brother is a funny boy. and a really good mimic.

ok now i'll go watch some russell peters. my dad's hooked too. terrible, with all the swearing and all. tsk tsk.