Help!

There is a lizard sitting in the crevice of my door, and much as I hate lizards I can't bring myself to shut the door because it might smush the lizard into... lizard mush. Which firstly is cruel to the lizard which didn't do anything wronger than EXIST and secondly lizard mush is actually more gross than live lizard, in my humble opinion.

I tried rolling towards the door on my trusty rolling chair and the stupid lizard didn't move. I tried rolling faster, as though I was going to crash into the door (although I'm so afraid of being near lizards that I'd never allow myself to crash into a door that is near a lizard). I tried opening the door, hoping that the increased amount of space might convince the stupid reptile to move somewhere else. I tried grabbing a badminton racket (for once, thank god I have been forced to take refuge in The Room That Is Used To Store Junk And Also Happens To Have A Bed) and hitting the racket against the door, but the lizard STILL didn't move and I didn't want to make noise because my grandparents are asleep in the next room.

And if I leave the door OPEN, a) the light will disturb my grandparents anyway b) it'll alert them to the fact that I stay up until disturbing times such as 3am c) the aircon will leak out which is bad because the room is enough of a furnace already d) the aircon will leak out which is bad for the aircon unit e) the aircon will leak out which is bad for the electricity bills f) in the morning, people will wake up before me and make noise and I will hear the noise through the open door and be awoken several hours before I like to be awake g) other pests will enter the room, like the tiny flying insect which is currently trying to eat my fricking knee.

a to g, that's 7 reasons the damn lizard needs to GET A MOVE ON IT ALREADY.

EDIT: There are atleast two small flying things here. One is really tiny like a mosquito or something, and another is about a centimetre long. One of these repulsive creatures just flew into my face!!! I wish the lizard would just eat the stupid insects and leave me alone, pleeeease.

EDIT AGAIN: The lizard disappeared! While I was venting my frustration on the internet :) I just hope it went out of the room instead of coming back in. If it's lying in wait for me near the door in the morning I just might have to stamp on it. Or shut a door on it. Or get escape through the bathroom and get someone to help me do evil things to the lizard because I cannot let any part of my body come into contact with evil reptiles. Did you know there's this Indian book - my brother calls it the Book Of Superstitions - which tells you what your future holds depending on which part of your body comes into contact with lizard? Some parts are actually lucky. Of course, it's not for superstitious reasons that I avoid contact with lizards. It is merely because they're ugly and monster-like and brown and brown only really looks good on Bottega Veneta and Michael Kors runways.

I'm sleepy now. I shall go sleep. I guess I didn't really need to worry about reason (b) after all.